The Art of Listening: How to Slow Down, Tune In & Truly Connect 🎧🧠💖

From the Look at Me Now Podcast — The Coach Heather Experience

Welcome to the Look at Me Now Blog 🌟

This is the Look at Me Now experience—where we rise, where we love, and where we live fully.

If you're ready to rewrite your story and become the person you were always meant to be—you're in the right place. 💫

The Personal Wake-Up Call: When I Realized I Wasn't Really Listening 👂💭

Hey love, it’s Coach Heather. And today, I want to talk about something I’ve been growing through lately: the art of listening.

I don’t mean active listening for coaching or giving advice. I mean really listening. Without fixing. Without jumping in. Without performing.

If you’re like me, you’re a natural talker. You bring the energy. You light up the room. ✨ And that’s a gift—until it becomes a wall between you and the people you love.

One day a friend was opening up to me—I was hearing what they were saying, and I felt it deep down—but instead of pausing and really responding, I just kept talking. I do the same thing with my mama. Sometimes I leave a conversation with her feeling full of everything I shared, but not knowing anything about her day. And I’ve done it with my husband too—thinking I was connecting, but not truly listening.

It hit me: I was connecting best with other talkers, other pleasers. But the self-controlled, analytical, quieter ones? I was unintentionally steamrolling them.

So, I made a decision: I don’t just want to be magnetic. I want to be present. 🌈 I want to be safe. 🛡️ I want to be the kind of woman who makes people feel seen. 👁️

Why Listening Matters More Than Ever 💬

Talking is easy. Listening? That’s a superpower. 🦸

It builds intimacy. It holds space. It says, "You matter." ❤️

And if you’re bold, expressive, and energetic—like so many women in my community are—learning to listen without dimming your light is a powerful form of emotional leadership. 👑

But here’s something even deeper...

Trauma & Silence: Why It Feels Unsafe to Just Listen 😶

Some of us aren’t just chatty. Some of us learned to talk, perform, and control the energy of the room because silence once meant danger. ⚠️

If you survived childhood abuse—whether emotional, physical, or sexual—you may have:

• Read the room like your life depended on it 👀

• Smiled to stay safe 😊

• Talked fast to stay in control 🗣️

• Talked incessantly to distract yourself from shame and/or discomfort 🎭

It worked. It protected you.

But now? You want real love. Real connection. Real presence. And that same silence now makes your nervous system scream. 😣

You fidget. You overtalk. You shut down. Not because you’re broken. But because your body remembers. 🧠

Reclaiming Presence as a Healing Practice 🧘

Let me remind you: You are safe now. 🫶

Being still, listening deeply, receiving love—it might stretch you. But that stretch is sacred. It’s growth. 🌱

Here are 5 ways to start healing through presence:

1. Name It Without Shame
   Say: "It makes sense that stillness feels scary. But I'm learning to feel safe in the quiet now." 🫂

2. Use Grounding Tools While Listening

• Press your feet to the floor 🦶

• Place a hand on your heart ❤️

• Inhale slowly and silently affirm: "I am safe. I can stay." 🧘‍♀️

3. Practice Micro-Moments of Stillness

• Pause one full second before replying ⏸️

• Sit silently and breathe with a loved one 🫧

4. Journal the Pattern
   Ask: "Where did I talk to protect myself?" and "What part of me needs more love?" 📓

5. Let Love Rewire You
   Let someone sit with you in silence. Let them love you without performance. That’s intimacy. 💑

6 Ways to Become a Magnetic Listener 🧲

1. The 80/20 Rule
   Talk 20% of the time. Ask: "How are you really doing? What’s been on your heart lately?" 🫶

2. Let Silence Speak
   Pause. Nod. Let the silence hold weight. 🤐

3. Ask Deeper Questions
   "What did that feel like? What do you wish people understood about that?" ❓

4. Mirror Instead of Motivating
   Say: "That sounds hard." or "I can tell that meant a lot to you." 🪞

5. Reframe Negativity as Vulnerability
   Instead of fixing, say: "That sucks. I hear you. I’m here." 💔

6. Reflect Often
   Ask yourself daily: "Who did I really listen to today? What did I learn?" 🧘

Quote to Remember 📝

"Listening is the ultimate act of love. When you truly hear someone, you help them hear themselves."

Identity-Rewiring Affirmations 💖

Say these aloud or journal them:

• I am a present, patient, and powerful listener. 🌊

• My energy is magnetic, and my silence is safe. 🌟

• I don’t need to fill the room to be felt. 💫

• I make people feel seen, heard, and loved. 💕

• I am expanding my ability to receive—not just speak. 🌷

Journal Prompts ✍️

• Who in my life needs me to listen more?

• What’s one conversation I wish I could redo?

• When was the last time I felt truly heard? What made it powerful?

Final Word 💬

Being a better listener doesn’t mean being less you. It means being more present.

Your voice is powerful. But so is your stillness. And when you hold both? You become unstoppable. 🔥

You’re not just louder. You’re deeper.

And that—my love—is what it means to Look at Me Now. 💃

Want More? 💻🎙️

If this spoke to your heart, share it with a friend or tune into the full podcast episode on Spotify, Apple, or YouTube.

Visit CoachHeatherOwens.com for more tools, videos, and ways to work with me.

Until next time—
Be kind, be bold, and be all of who you are. 💋

With love,
Coach Heather 💖