Redeemed How God Used My Greatest Pain to Build My Greatest Purpose

A note from Heather Owens, RN, BSN, MBA : This blog discusses childhood sexual abuse, trauma, and healing. If you’ve experienced similar pain, I hope you find hope here. Please read at your own pace and take care of yourself.

“The enemy wanted my story to end in shame. God turned it into a story of hope.”

This is the most vulnerable thing I’ve ever shared publicly.

For years, I wondered if I would ever tell this story.

Not because I was ashamed.

But because I wanted to make sure I had learned from it before I taught from it.

Today, I know something with absolute certainty.

God never wastes our pain.

Before you continue reading, I need to make one thing crystal clear.

I do not believe childhood sexual abuse is good.

I do not believe God wanted it to happen.

I do not believe any child should ever experience what I experienced.

Evil is evil.

Abuse is abuse.

And my heart breaks for every child who has ever had their innocence stolen.

But I also believe something else with every fiber of my being.

I serve a God who is bigger than evil.

A God who can take what was meant to destroy us and redeem it into something that brings hope, healing, and purpose.

That is my story.

My Childhood Was More Than My Trauma

I began experiencing sexual abuse when I was four years old.

It continued for years and involved multiple people at different stages of my childhood.

For a long time, I thought that sentence defined me.

It doesn’t.

Because that isn’t my whole story.

My childhood wasn’t all bad.

In fact, I believe I had the best mother in the world.

She loved me fiercely.

She believed in me before I believed in myself.

She taught me optimism, kindness, perseverance, and faith.

I was also blessed with an incredible grandmother who filled my childhood with adventure, travel, laughter, and unconditional love.

Looking back, I can now see something psychology has confirmed.

Researchers have found that loving, supportive adults—what psychologists call protective factors—can dramatically influence a child’s ability to recover from adversity.

God gave me two of them.

My mother.

My grandmother.

They became living reminders that love was still real.

Their influence planted seeds of hope that would carry me through the darkest seasons of my life.

I Refused to Become a Statistic

Sadly, childhood sexual abuse is far more common than most people realize.

Many women silently carry wounds from experiences they have never shared.

Some struggle with anxiety.

Some battle depression.

Some live with addiction.

Some have difficulty trusting.

Some constantly question their worth.

These are real consequences, and my heart aches for every survivor.

But I also want every woman reading this to hear me.

Statistics describe groups of people.

They do not determine your future.

Today, I’m a registered nurse.

I’m an entrepreneur.

I’m a wife.

I’m a mother.

I’m building LuminaFit—a company built around helping people become healthier in body, mind, and spirit.

I travel across the country educating healthcare providers.

I’ve built businesses.

I’ve lived dreams that little Heather couldn’t even imagine.

Not because my trauma disappeared.

Because God never stopped writing my story.

What Trauma Actually Does to the Brain

One of the most freeing discoveries in my healing journey came when I began learning the psychology and neuroscience behind trauma.

Trauma changes the brain.

When a child experiences repeated abuse, the brain learns to prioritize survival.

The nervous system becomes incredibly skilled at detecting potential danger.

Psychologists often refer to this as hypervigilance.

Your body begins asking questions like:

“Am I safe?”

“Can I trust this?”

“Is something about to happen?”

Your brain isn’t trying to sabotage you.

It’s trying to protect you.

That’s why certain places, movies, conversations, smells, or experiences can trigger emotions that seem much bigger than the present moment.

Your body remembers before your mind catches up.

Learning this changed everything for me.

I stopped asking,

“What’s wrong with me?”

And started asking,

“What is my nervous system trying to protect me from?”

That shift replaced shame with compassion.

The Science of Hope

Here’s the beautiful part.

Our brains are capable of change.

Neuroscientists call it neuroplasticity.

Your brain continues forming new neural pathways throughout your life.

Every healthy relationship.

Every safe conversation.

Every boundary.

Every act of forgiveness.

Every moment you choose peace over chaos.

Your brain is learning something new.

Science tells us our brains can change.

My faith tells me our hearts can too.

Together, they remind me that transformation is possible.

What God Redeemed

People sometimes ask me if I’m grateful for my story.

My answer surprises them.

Yes.

I am.

Not because abuse is good.

But because God is.

I honestly don’t know who I would be without every chapter of my life.

God used my pain to develop resilience.

He used it to deepen my compassion.

He used it to make me fiercely protective of my children.

He used it to help me recognize pain hiding behind someone else’s smile.

He used it to make me a better nurse.

A better coach.

A better communicator.

A more authentic woman.

He taught me that people don’t need perfection.

They need someone willing to sit with them in their pain and remind them they are not alone.

But I’m Still Healing

Here’s the part I almost didn’t write.

Because I want you to know the truth.

I’m still healing.

Sometimes I still notice myself feeling drawn toward emotionally unhealthy people.

Not because I want dysfunction.

Not because I enjoy pain.

But because my nervous system sometimes recognizes what is familiar before it recognizes what is healthy.

For years, I found myself attracted—not only romantically, but sometimes in friendships too—to people who struggled with addiction, alcoholism, emotional unavailability, or abusive patterns.

That used to confuse me.

Today, I understand it differently.

Trauma therapists often explain that our nervous systems don’t automatically seek what’s healthy.

They often seek what’s familiar.

If unpredictability was normal…

Predictability can initially feel boring.

If you spent your childhood trying to earn love…

You may find yourself unconsciously drawn to relationships where you feel like you have to prove yourself.

That doesn’t mean you’re broken.

It means your nervous system is still learning.

And mine is too.

My Greatest Revelation

For a long time, I thought I was attracted to toxic people.

Now I think the truth is more complicated.

I think I confused chemistry with familiarity.

I confused emotional intensity with connection.

I confused having to earn love with passion.

Now, when I notice those old patterns, I pause.

I pray.

I reflect.

And I ask myself one question:

Is this bringing peace to my life… or is it simply stimulating my nervous system?

That question has changed everything.

Protecting My Peace Looks Different Now

There are still certain movies I choose not to watch.

There are still environments I choose not to put myself in.

Not because I’m afraid.

Not because I’m judging anyone else.

But because I know my nervous system.

I know which experiences nourish me.

And I know which ones awaken wounds that don’t deserve another minute of my peace.

For years I thought protecting my peace meant avoiding discomfort.

Now I understand it means exercising discernment.

There’s a difference.

I don’t build walls.

I build gates.

I let the right people in.

The Woman I’m Becoming

Today, I don’t strive to be a woman who can never be hurt.

I strive to be a woman who knows she can survive hurt without losing herself.

I no longer believe I have to earn love.

I no longer believe I have to prove my worth.

I no longer believe chaos is excitement.

I believe peace is beautiful.

I’m still learning to let my nervous system believe it too.

I believe peace is beautiful.

And one of the greatest gifts in my life has been having a husband who has loved me while I’ve continued becoming the woman I was meant to be.

I’m grateful for a love that has given me room to grow, to learn, to heal, and to keep finding my way back to what matters most.

I’m still learning that love doesn’t have to be chaotic to be deep.

It doesn’t have to hurt to be passionate.

Sometimes the greatest love is the one that feels like home.

I’m still learning to let my nervous system believe it too.

If You’re Reading This…

Maybe you’ve spent years believing your past has already decided your future.

It hasn’t.

Maybe you’ve spent years believing you’re too broken.

You’re not.

Maybe you’ve confused surviving with living.

I’ve been there.

Friend, your story doesn’t end with what happened to you.

It continues with what you choose next.

Healing isn’t perfection.

Healing is recognizing your patterns sooner.

Healing is choosing differently.

Healing is giving yourself grace while God continues transforming your heart.

I’m not writing this because I’ve arrived.

I’m writing it because I’m still walking.

Still learning.

Still growing.

Still healing.

And if God can redeem my story…

I believe He can redeem yours too.

Action Steps: Beginning Your Own Redemption Journey

1. Become curious instead of critical.
   The next time you notice a trigger or an unhealthy pattern, don’t ask, “What’s wrong with me?” Ask, “What is this trying to teach me?”
2. Learn your nervous system.
   Notice what consistently brings peace and what consistently brings chaos. Awareness is the first step toward freedom.
3. Stop confusing chemistry with compatibility.
   A strong emotional pull isn’t always a sign you’ve found the right person. Sometimes it’s simply something familiar.
4. Build your own “Board of Peace.”
   Surround yourself with people who leave you feeling calm, encouraged, challenged, and safe—not emotionally exhausted.
5. Let God redefine your identity.
   You are not your diagnosis. You are not your trauma. You are not your worst chapter. You are a beloved child of God with a future still being written.

Journal Prompts

• Where have I already seen God redeem painful parts of my story?
• What unhealthy relationship patterns do I notice repeating in my life?
• When do I mistake emotional intensity for genuine connection?
• What relationships leave me feeling peaceful rather than emotionally activated?
• What qualities have emerged through my healing journey that I want to nurture?
• If I fully believed I never had to earn love again, how would my relationships change?
• What does protecting my peace look like in this season of my life?
• What is one step I can take this week that honors the woman I am becoming?

The enemy wanted my story to end with shame.

God had other plans.

And for that…

I will always be grateful.